hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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