U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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