so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
