So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
