I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
