Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
