Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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