My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
