Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
