the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
