Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
