It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize