STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
