Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
