similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
