Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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