He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
