need another drink. this is the easiest way
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm just crazy horny about you
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
