And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
