I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
