She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize