He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
