As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
