Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
