gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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