we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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