I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
