normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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