you guys were way drunker than both of me
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
