Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
3 2 1 whiskey
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
