Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
