the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
