did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
