I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
