Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
