I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
