Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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