Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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