My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
