Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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