Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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