don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
