In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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