Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
