I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
