I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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