I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
