yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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