I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
