dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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