Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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