Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
