well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
