For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
