Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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