About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
