This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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