i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
