worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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