Im at strip club and am horny
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
