highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
