put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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