if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
where are my pants?
in the oven.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
