Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I AM VODKA MAN
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
