he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
