i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
