Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
