So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
