I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
