Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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