...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
