the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
