watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
