I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
