Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
