i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
