Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
